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Sexual violence is very common in our society today. According to Research, 1 in 5 women in the world are raped or sexually assaulted at different point in their lives, often by persons they know and trust. In some Asian, African, and Middle Eastern countries, that figure is even higher. And sexual assault isn’t limited to women; men also suffer from rape and sexual assault.
Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical hurts. The experience of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or nightmares of incidence, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. The world do not look like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust anyone. You don’t even trust your own self. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and your sanity. You might blame yourself for what happened or believe that you’re “of no worthy.” Relationships feel strange, intimacy impossible. And on top of that, like many rape survivors, you may struggle with depression and anxiety.
It’s very important to remember that what you’re experiencing is a normal reaction of the incident. Your feelings are just symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may look, with these tips and techniques, you can come to regain your sense of safety and trust, and learn to heal and move on with your life.
Myths and facts about rape and sexual assault
Dispelling the toxic, victim-blaming myths about sexual violence can help you start the healing process.
Myth: You can know a rapist by the way he looks or acts.
Fact: There’s no sure way to knowing a rapist. Many appear completely normal, friendly, charming, and non-threatening.
Myth: If you didn’t fight back, you must have thought it was that good.
Fact: During a sexual assault, it’s extremely common to freeze. Your brain and body shuts down in shock, making it difficult for you to move, speak, or think.
Myth: People who are raped “ask for it” by the way they dress or act.
Fact: Rape is a crime of opportunity. Studies show that rapists choose victims based on their weakness, not on how sexy they appear.
Myth: Date rape is often a misunderstanding.
Fact: Date rapists often defend themselves by claiming the assault was a drunken mistake or miscommunication. But research shows that the vast majority of date rapists often repeat the event. These men target defenseless people and often offer them alcohol in order to rape them.
Myth: It’s not rape if you’ve had sex with the person before.
Fact: Just because you’ve previously consented to sex with someone doesn’t give them any right to your body. If your boyfriend, or lover forces sex against your will, it’s rape.
Recovering from rape or sexual assault
step 1: speak out
It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you feel angry and weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? you think it's best to keep it secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and enslave yourself .
Reach out to someone you trust. It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But you can’t get out of it when you’re accepting the truth. And hiding only adds to situation is not the way out. As scary as it is to open up, it will be free from it. However, it’s very important to be know who you share , especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or call a rape crisis hotline.
Step 2:Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation.
It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.
Step 3:Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors.
Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide valuable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovering. If you can’t find a support group in your area, follow us @ZINA'S SECRET.
Step 4: Prepare for flashbacks and upsetting memories
When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “FLIGHT MODE.” When the threat has passed, your body calms down again. But assault experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape victims.
Flashbacks, nightmares, and unpleasant memories are extremely common, especially in the first three months following the assault. If your nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop major depression, they can last much longer.
To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:
- Try to anticipate and prepare for triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the incident; and certain sights, smells, or sounds. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and try calm yourself down.
- Pay attention to your body’s danger signals. Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness.
Take a slow breath in through your nostrils, count 1-5.
The hand on your stomach should rise.
The hand on your chest should move very little.
Then hold your breath for a count of seven. Breath out through your mouth, pushing much air as you can push while contracting your abdominal muscles.
The hand on your should move as you exhale.
Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH FLASHBACKS
It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks. But if you find yourself losing touch with the present and feeling like the sexual assault is happening all over again, there are actions you can take.
Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is over and you survived. Here’s a simple script that can help: “I am feeling [panicked, frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.”
Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when you look around name the place where you are, the current date, and three things you see when you look around.
Reconnect to your body and feelings
Since your nervous system is in a hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings. When you shut down the unpleasant sensations, you also shut down your self-awareness and capacity for joy. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but not fully living.
Signs that you’re avoiding unhelpful ways:
- Feeling physically shut down.
- Feeling separate from your body or surroundings.
- Having trouble concentrating and remembering things.
- Having trouble concentrating and remembering things.
- Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and counteract the empty feeling inside of you.
- Compulsively using drugs or alcohol.
Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful. You can achieve this through the following techniques:
Stay connected
It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may feel tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery. But remember that support doesn’t mean that you always have to talk about or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.
Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal things” with other people, things that have nothing to do with the sexual trauma.
Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect with it.
Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.
Nurture yourself
Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual process. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. It can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the remaining symptoms and reduce your anxiety.
Take time to rest and restore your body’s balance. That means taking a break when you’re stressed and avoiding the temptation to lose yourself by throwing yourself into activities. Avoid doing anything that makes you makes you remember the incidence. .
Be smart about media consumption. Avoid watching any program that could trigger bad memories. This includes obvious things such as news reports about sexual violence and movies. But you may also want to temporarily avoid anything that’s over-stimulating y, including social media.
Take care of yourself physically. It’s always important to eat right, regular exercise, and get plenty of sleep, but even more so when you’re healing from event. Relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.
Avoid alcohol and drugs. Avoid the self-medication with alcohol or drugs. Substance use worsens many symptoms of trauma, including emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and depression. It also interferes with treatment and can contribute to problems at home and in your relationships.
How to help someone recover from rape or sexual assault experience
When a spouse, partner, sibling, or other loved one has been raped or sexually assaulted, it can generate painful emotions and take a heavy toll on your relationship. You may feel angry and frustrated, be desperate for your relationship to return to how it was before the assault, or even want to retaliate against your loved one’s attacker. But it’s your patience, understanding, and support that your loved one needs now, not more displays of aggression or violence.
Let your loved one know that you still love them and reassure them that the assault was not their fault. Nothing they did or didn’t do could make them culpable in any way.
Allow your loved one to open up at their own pace. Some victims of sexual assault find it very difficult to talk about what happened, others may need to talk about the assault over and over again. This can make you feel alternately frustrated or uncomfortable. But don’t try to force your loved one to open up or urge them to stop rehashing the past. Instead, let them know that you’re there to listen whenever they want to talk. If hearing about your loved one’s assault brings you discomfort, talking to another person can help put things in perspective.
Encourage your loved one to seek help, but don’t pressurize them. Following the trauma of a rape or sexual assault, many people feel totally powerless. You can help your loved one to regain a sense of control by not pushing them away. Encourage them to reach out for help, but let them make the final decision. Take cues from your loved one as to how you can best provide support.
"Take care of yourself. The more calm, relaxed, and focused you are, the better you’ll be able to help your loved one. Manage your own stress and reach out to others for support."
W
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